Wednesday, November 02, 2005


some observations recorded in the vicinity of Huntly, Aberdeenshire:

My new girlfriend confessed to a liking for' the rough stuff'.

From my bedroom window I watched a large girl and a small boy attempting intercourse. There was an audible crack and the boy sank to the ground.

I'd found a way to circumnavigate the town without touching the ground.

In the last town people began to suspect much sooner. I reckoned on another three months. Tops.

I'd recently enjoyed a litter of puppies.

On that path behind the station I watched two policemen playing with a dead hare. Ater a while they became self-concious and left.

I'd gotten into the habit os smearing vaseline on the wing mirrors of cars. After a few weeks I upped the ante.

A furtive looking boy ran past clutching a french stick.

That patch of spare land behind the old bakery. I liked it.

After many years of careful intimidation I caused the local church to stop using their main entrance.

I watched a young girl casually drop some litter.

I watched a couple of kids taking things too far. You don't see that kind of multiple laceration everyday.

Last night I nearly got caught doing 'the thing'.

I'd heard that the minister had a nervous breakdown. What with that and the powdered glass.

I'd taken to squeezing between the walls of my house.

The local arts organisation began to take an interest in my work. I felt sorry for them.

Mostly I just lay in my room listening to the neighbours. After five weeks of silence an oleaginous patch began to form just north of the light fitting.

I'd gotten into the habit of placing my own recipe sausages amongst those produced by the butcher.

I drowned all the cats in the town. People just got new ones so that was OK.

On the ledge outside her bedroom window lay a coagulation of ejected phlegm.

I caused a bit of a sensation at the Xmas craft fare.

On the occasion of my birthday I treated myself to a new friend.

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